OMG, I Made a Roast

Who do I look like? Rachel Effing Ray?

I am not into handling raw meat. Schwan's made The Roast. I will call him T.R. for "The Roast". He weighs 3 lbs. Basically T.R. came frozen and I had to toss him in the slow cooker. I called my grandma to find out what else I was supposed to throw in with him, such as potatoes and carrots? She thinks it's funny when I cook. She said both and throw some onion on the top. My grandma is an AWESOME cook so she talks in terms like "some" and "a little". I had to pin her down on some details.

She told me to throw in the carrots and potatoes "about" an hour before it was done. Later, around the hour mark, I called to ask her if I had to peel the potatoes. Hahaha. She said yes but not if they are red. I got additional details such as how many pieces to cut them in, etc.

Somehow it later came out that T.R. was in the slow cooker and not the oven. LOL. She laughed and we realized his friends, Potatoes and Carrots, should have been chillin' it out with him the entire time. OMFG. She said, "It never occured to me it was in the slow cooker." I said, "It never occurred to me to put it in the oven." lol.

So I had to take the potatoes and carrots out of the roast and put them in the microwave with "a little bit" of water for "awhile". It was pretty damn funny coversation if you ask me.

Somehow it took me these utensils to make T.R.:

I have no idea how.

I am very undomesticated, especially when it comes to cookin' up carne. Gross.

The whole point is it looks like a roast and smells like a roast. Well, I guess it IS a roast that didn't come to my house bleeding?? My chef of a husband will prob fall over when he comes into the house. Hopefully T.R. doesn't start mooing the scoop and blow my cover.

And god no I'm not eating T.R. We have bonded today since the Schwan's dude gave him to me this morning. I'm having a veggie burger and a Diet Coke, hello :)

When I do cook, for real, not Schwan's, it's pretty awesome. However, I only do this on rare occasion because I use too many utensils :) :)

I'm gonna drink a Spotted Cow with dinner though. =Love.

Moocho love,

Ann

RUFKM? Warning: Lots of Rambling!

OMG, I'm not so good at multi-tasking. What can I say, I guess I'm a bad accountant. I also haven't entered anything into my check register since 2001. Oops. I say, hey that's what ONLINE banking is for. Do I really want to know how much I spend on responsible things like oil changes, government bonds and calcium supplements (aka $0)? No. Do I really want to know how much I spend on Diet Cokes, makeup and jeans? Wow, what do you know - also a no. Kurt will spend two hours looking for $0.47 in his checkbook while I drink diet coke, review my account online and quickly move on to http://www.wwtdd.com/. Now, who's having more fun? (Note: never ask the question "Now, who has a higher balance?")

Anyway, on the multi-tasking, either it's makeupness, babyness OR randomness. I have no idea why because none of the above take me long to post! Therefore, many apologies on the delays! I was going to seriously post about the Katy Perry thing this weekend anyway. See way below.

Check it - mama's going back to work on Thursday! More on this later...

As for the title, I didn't make up that acronym, although we all know how much I love acronyms such as WTF, WTH, B, FU, OMG, OMFG, OMFFFFG, OMFGGGGG etc etc etc. I'm class-ay! lol. OMG, just used another one (lol)!

So, a couple years ago, my friend Heather and I got into an internet fight with this huge B on the qcweddings message board. She gave us the RUFKM. For the record, she was MAD because in my muy bueno wedding review, I told everyone we had a band and IT ROCKED IT but that the band doesn't do weddings, but they did for us because my uncle and his brother are in the band, blahblahblah. So my review said, "OMG definitely get A band!!" and went on to say how much fun it was to have a band and how everyone danced, loved it, etc etc etc. She was mad because I wouldn't give the name of the band. So I wrote back and said, hello sister, I am saying GET A BAND, not MY band because they don't do weddings and really aren't even together anymore. lol. Well, I had also said that our dj was a family friend but that I had been to several weddings where DJ Rebel played and he was great. So she also had an issue with me recommending someone I never hired. lol. So my friend Heather jumped in and gave her a scathing lesson on word-of-mouth advertising and who cares that I wasn't the one paying the dj but I was a guest where everyone had a great time, etc etc etc. The very small and remote point of this story is she gave us the R.U.F.K.M. a couple of times and I still use it because it's hilarious. It's kind of like FML, which I also think is hilarious. My sense of humor has a lot to be desired, I guess.

So - that being said - RUFKM????????????????? 4 RUFKM Things of Late:

1) Went to hot yoga on Friday. Hot, hot, hot! It's def NOT as caliente as the shala on Sundays but it seems weird to start out super hot instead of progressively getting suicidally hot. I liked it but it was kind of slow/peaceful for me. I found out my knee is STILL no bueno so I still can't run. RUFKM #1. Grrr!

2) I told the farmhusband on Friday, "I AM GOING TO YOGA ON SUNDAY." They worked outside all day on Saturday and I stayed inside with the chickadees. But then Belle woke up sick on Saturday a.m. and progressively got worse throughout the day. I looked in her throat last night and KNEW it was strep. RUFKM #2.

3) Called dr. last night who said to bring her to the office Sunday a.m. for a strep test. It was becoming clear no Ashtanga a la Shala for me. RUFKM #3.

4) Belle woke up throwing up, too. So she couldn't keep the motrin down, OMFG. Went to peds office. Positive strep test. Now my throat is hurting. RUFKM #4!!! Seriously, I cannot be sick, cannot get the baby sick! Mama's gotta GO TO WORK!!!!!!!!! ON THURSDAY! Like, I cannot call in, people. lol. I haven't been there since December 20th so I've been "resting" for over 3 months. I would go in if I had strep but obviously I can't leave my lil guy if he gets it!

All these RUFKM's made me realize today, on the 40 minute drive to the peds office: the universe doesn't want me to get skinny, work OR find my namaste. I'm f###ed.

Speaking of weight loss, I've lost 4 lbs since the knee injury and going vegan! 2 lbs to first dr. appt weight and 7 to wedding (aka pre-pregnancy) weight. Holla. Not that 7 isn't a TON left to go, because it is, I'm just sayin'.

***********************Random C.O.S.**********************************************

So the other night Belle was in bed reading and I took the little guy in there. Sometimes we sing dorky songs to him. Like we will put babyish words into real songs. One of his nicknames is "cashew" so I went in there and was bouncing him and I sang, "I kissed cashew and I liked it!"

Note: Belle and I listen to 99.99999999% country and classic rock.

She singingly goes: "I kissed off him's cherry chapstick. I kissed cashew just try it. I kissed off him's cherry chapstick."

I'm dying! She got the words a little wrong and was repeating the chapstick thing but the point is she knows the tune and a vast majority of the words to I kissed a girl. OMG. Not cool.

One day I told Kurt that Belle loves the song Night Moves. He responded with "Great, a song about teenage s##." That's when I realized how many songs she knows that are about that! Think about it - like 95% of songs are about s., lots about it as teenagers! For e.g. one of my fave Kenny songs goes a lil something like this, hit it:

First it discusses turning 16 and getting a car. Then it says this:
Took Katie down by the river with a six-dollar bottle of wine. Just a fool tryin' to play it cool, hopin' she'd let me cross the line. I was prayin' that she couldn't tell I'd never been that far before. The first time's a one-time feelin' and I never wanted nothin' more. No, I'd never wanted nothin' more.

Not disagreeing with my man, here. I just don't think my 8 year old singing it is cool. Shall I banish her to Peter Paul & Mary? omg. My parents totally had no idea the tapes they bought me and I memorized included Bel Biv Divoe's "Do Me Baby" and E-Z E's "Nobody Move, Nobody Gets Hurt." lol. I never thought about what I was singing though!!!!!! When do you start to realize what you're singing???

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I wonder how many people read this blog and totally hate me and rip on this blog with their friends. lol. I read a couple of blogs written by major jacka$$e$. Note: if I know you, I love your blog. The jacka$$ blogs I read are people I don't know. If you are curious want the sites, email or facebook me. Heather and I like to read them and talk about what complete idiots these people are. That being said, surely I have some haters! :) I hope I do! lol. That means success in the blog world.

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So that's all the hot scoop around here! Illness, wwtdd, and inappropriate songs. :)

Mucho love to everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ann :)

PS - sorry for the bad english - run-ons, fragments, ending a sentence with the wrong types of words, etc etc etc. I'm typing fast :)

No Buen!

Yo y'all!

Eff. So I hurt my knee, omg. Technically, I hurt it in yoga approx. 1.5 years ago (aka - few months before the bun hopped into the oven). I was doing this very challenging pose known as "triangle" lol. Seriously, of all poses, I didn't anticipate hurting myself during freaking triangle. Anyway! My chiro was working on it until the stork visited. Post-stork, I decided to take some time off yoga to accomodate my hectic eating and sleeping schedule.

When I made my Grande Return of the BAM, I realized omg, my knee is better! Yay! However, last week, every run I started noticing my knee more. It was the same pain as the triangle fiasco. Eff! So I went to my chiro of awesomeness who informed me I rotated my knee. Double eff! So I haven't been able to work out until this coming Wednesday. I'll let you know how it goes. Knee is still no bueno but I'm hoping by Wednesday that it will be!

On a lighter note, I am bored with grilled chicken and going back to veganism for awhile. I'm pretty excited about it. I'm sure it won't last long but I'll keep everyone posted! :)

Who has other scoop? Do send.

Love,
Moi